Family is against her choice of Christian man to marry

QUESTION

Should I marry a man I really love, but my family is against. I also live in an Indian culture.

JS, from India

ANSWER

j:

I will not use your real name, you bring up issues that I am not the wisest to answer. This is because I live in a Western culture, and our ways are different that in an Indian culture. In the first place, marriages are arranged in Indian, and that concept is alien here in America. However, let me make some observations. 

1. The most important qualification is that, based on your information, both of you have accepted Christ as your Savior. That does not guarantee a happy marriage, but it forms a good foundation.

2. You obviously dearly love each other. That is important too, but there is no guarantee that those feelings will last. 

3. Your family genuinely loves you, and has your best interest at heart. In your culture, arranged marriages are normal, and perhaps better in many cases than our system in the West. Sometimes the feelings of love can blind us in having a clear view of our partner. 

4. Your family correctly points out several areas of potential problems for you and the man you love. First, he does not come from a good family, meaning a family of lesser status than yours. In your culture, that would be a major problem.

The fellow does not hold down a good job, and, I would guess, has less education than you. Certainly he has less success in the work place. The fact that he earns less than you will become a problem later. He may not be able to provide for you and the children that will come.

Another problem is that you do not know him well, although you have seen each other for several years. It is a strange thing, but somehow people dramatically change when they get married. During the courtship, both are very nice to each other, but when the marriage happens, then both let down their guard and they begin acting like their true selves. 

5. As to my suggestion, I would be very careful to go against the wisdom of your family. Your feelings are strong, and sometimes they get in the way of what God has for us. 

Finally, I strongly recommend that you talk to your pastor, and seek his counsel. He better understands you, your situation, and your family. 

I will pray for you. I hope your heart will feel comfortably, and your sadness will turn to joy. If you go ahead and marry the man, your future may become great, but it could also become a nightmare. 

J, may God bless you and honor you. All the best.

Dr. Newman